Monday, January 31, 2011

Full Circle




Full circle.

One year has passed since we moved from our suburban home in the Sunshine State where we met and married and raised our kids.... Where WE grew up. Where our PARENTS grew up. Where our GRANDPARENTS grew up.

What a year.

I am so very glad that my husband didn't freak out when I had second thoughts. When I was sure we were doing something crazy and stupid. When I was banned from visiting our old house because I would end up sobbing and thinking I might be having a grief-induced heart attack... he would talk me down and reassure me that it is a good thing to move on and follow our inner whispers and do the thing that has been teasing us.

Those inner whispers. Pay attention to them...

Magic. That is what happens when you ignore momentary panic and listen to steady whispers. The whispers that scratch at your heart, that rise up in your dreams and say LISTEN TO ME! That reassure you when you sell your dream home because, well, it just doesn't fit anymore, and you've got this itch to simplify, explore, stretch...

I felt conflicted. Worried about telling our (grown) kids that we were planning to move to another state, another climate, another lifestyle...different altitude, different neighborhood, different landscape, different weather....

And today I can tell you:

I am sure that it is a good thing to listen to that inner voice. To scratch that itch. To take a chance. To hold hands with the frightened parts of us and know that "one of two things will happen...That there will be something solid for you to stand on---or that you will be taught to fly."

We are flying, baby.

We are standing on hard-packed snow, looking at awesome mountains that tease us to climb some more, to cut a new path, to find the view at the top that shows us, yes, there are new perspectives at every turn.

I love going back regularly. I love my long-term, heart-close, travelled-the-distance friends. I love our history, our sunny walks, our beach contemplations, our chatty meetings and laughs.

But I also love going home to the mountains, to the rivers and lakes that tease me with the promise of fresh journeys. Where blue skies and snow coexist. Where rivers rush while lakes freeze over. Where nature tells you, "HA! You thought you knew me! I'm as unpredictable as your life."

Life does seem to pull at us from the edges, as if there are invisible magnets that pull and stretch our souls when we least expect it---and make us grow when we thought we were done with all that.

My Mama, at 88 and battling dementia with every physical and mental muscle she still possesses, shows me (on good days anyway) that life is about hiking the road that presents itself---in cute boots, and with a really big attitude. With hugs for everyone...and a good stash of chocolate in your pocket.